How Do I Find My Soulmate?


Finding your soulmate happens when you least expect it.  It did for me.

It happened back in the summer of 2001.

I had just graduated from University as a Mechanical Engineer. 

As summer was in full swing, I was doing the dating thing – and hooking up with any females that caught my eye. I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship – far from it.  I just wanted to have fun and explore.

Funny enough… as I was exploring I did have a few specs on my sweetheart.. the perfect girl for me.  She had to be athletic… the sporty type who likes to workout or play competitive sports.  I was also looking for a blonde… but hair color wasn’t a huge factor, as long as she was physically fit and sexy (at least to me).

Three months later I met my wife – Trisha.

We met in 2001 and then got married in 2006. We don’t have any kids (yet) – just our pooch, Chloe.  It’s just the three of us and that’s the way we like it.

I love being married because I married my best buddy. My wife says the same thing about me.

We are very comfortable with each other… we fart in front of each other all the time…well, we don’t fart all the time…  ;)

I’m just saying we’re very comfortable with each other.  We give each other a lot of space so that we can be ourselves… and if that means a fart slips here or there… then that’s what it is… it’s part of what makes us normal… we’re ok with who we are.  And if you ask me, that’s one of the greatest gifts you could give anyone – the space to be themselves.

Over the years I’ve come up with a few nuggets of wisdom – insights on what has worked in our relationship over the last decade.   What I’ve done is put together what I feel are the key areas to finding your soulmate.

Here they are in no particular order:

Soulmate Insight #1: Be Yourself

This is a tough one for many people.  They’ve been faking it so long that they don’t even know their true self.  They only know the version of them that has been in the past 5 bad relationships.  What I’m saying is to forget your past relationships… regardless if they have been good, bad or ugly and re-invent yourself.  Start new.

That means going into a new relationship blind-folded.  Go in without any perceived notions about how it’s going to go.  

Just be in the moment and observe.  Notice.  I’ve been practicing this lately in some of my close relationships and I find it keeps many of them new and interesting.

How do you be yourself ?  Try meditating and see the guided meditation on this page.  Just be quite with yourself.  As you get more comfortable just being with yourself, the people around you will also start to relax and enjoy your company.

The key is to get comfortable being with you… just yourself, your thoughts, your feelings and your emotions…  it sends out a clear vibe of who you are.  Then and only then can you become comfortable with others. If you can’t be comfortable with yourself, how do you expect others to be comfortable with you?

Soulmate Insight #2: Self-Acceptance

The point is that you want to fall in love with who you are… to really love you. Once you do this, the Law of Attraction works miracles to bring people into your life that feel the same way about themselves. If you’re ok with you are, the other person will get that immediately and feel that alignment without any conflicting or wacky vibes.

The people who tend to be clingy lack self-acceptance.  They need other people to fill that void for them.  What I’m saying is to do the work.  Don’t rely on others to fill the void.  When you feel complete, your completion (or new partner) will show up.  Start by feeling good about who you are right now.  You might try: How to Get Gooder

Soulmate Insight #3: Experience the Contrast

You’ll notice I haven’t once talked about the other person you want as your soulmate… that’s because you can’t control the other person.  You can only work with what you can control – and that is you.

Once you start meeting people, you’ll want to look for patterns in your relationships – a sort of testing ground to see where you are compatible and not so compatible.  I dated 15-20 different girls before I met my wife.  I had lots of time to experiment and play the field… so by the time I met Trisha, I was pretty clear on what I liked and what I didn’t like.

That’s the great thing about the contrast.  As you get in the game and start meeting new people, you find out what you don’t like, which helps you get clear on what you do like.   The clearer you are on what you do like, the faster it will come to you.

Get in the game and start meeting people so you experience the contrast.

Soulmate Insight #4: Look for Patterns

If you feel incomplete about a past hurt, then it’s very likely you’ll attract that incompletion into your life.  If someone comes into your life that annoys or frustrates you – really pushes your buttons – that is a clue that you have an incompletion.

The way around this is to heal your own incompletions and inner blocks.

You can only notice who you are – and you’ll find that the Universe will bring people into your life that constantly remind you of this.  In other words, your inner blocks show up on the outside to remind you to heal. Any annoying person you meet is just a subtle reminder that you’re still holding onto a stored emotion, fear or limiting belief that is no longer serving you.

Once you no longer feel annoyed, you have healed.

Some “gurus” will tell you to heal before you get into a new relationship.  That’s not my experience at all.  In fact, I met my wife when I was still half-broken. Most of my healing took place in the last 10 decade while I was with my soulmate.  The point is that you can be in a great relationship while you heal.  

It doesn’t have to be perfect before you start.

Soulmate Insight #5: Heal the Past

The key is to recognize those patterns and heal the past.  To heal the past you must let go of the past.  Hint: look for patterns in your relationships that keep showing up (i.e. bad break-ups, the way you lash out, a sudden breakdown of communication, etc.)  Once you’re aware of the patterns, you then have the power to acknowledge them and let them go.

Once you heal that part of you that is hurt, the patterns normally fall away (i.e. the annoying person goes away or is no longer annoying to you).  

There are plenty of ways to let go.  I strongly suggest you take up the regular practice of meditation or use The Sedona Method to help with the letting go process.  By using these processes you can prevent yourself from making the same mistakes over and over again.

Soulmate Insight #6: Put Energy Into Your Relationships

Once you find someone who is a perfect match for you, make sure to pour energy into your relationship.  Give them time and attention.  Be spontaneous and have fun with them.   Give them hugs.  Give them gifts.  Give them love.   Just pour more and more of yourself into them… and in most cases if you have the right person, they will reciprocate.

At the end of the day, you don’t have to do any ‘searching’ for your soulmate.   I attracted mine.  She came to me and I believe you can do the same.  Start by using some of the suggestions I’ve made and let the rest happen.


  • David

    Reply Reply April 12, 2013

    Steve…you are the best, thank you so much especially about things not having to be perfect before attracting your soulmate!

    Great Stuff as always!


  • Steve

    Reply Reply April 13, 2013

    Cool beans David… got get’em!

  • Cristina

    Reply Reply April 17, 2013

    Hi Steve,

    Something made me gravitate to your websit tonight : ) Totally enjoyed reading “How do I find my soul mate?”. You and Trish are truly special and an inspiration to me. I couldn’t agree more with you on your Soulmate Insights- Thanks for sharing!!!

    Tony : )

  • Steve

    Reply Reply April 17, 2013

    Thanks for dropping by Tony ;)

  • Nini William

    Reply Reply April 22, 2013

    Hey Steve, is it possible for me to get my ex back using the LOA?

  • Steve

    Reply Reply April 22, 2013

    …depends why you want them back Nini??

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