Suppress Your Feelings: Why Now?

In this post I’ll share my insights on why people suppress their negative feelings as a coping mechanism.

What bothers me the most is when people tell me that they just need to be more positive. They need to think positive.

“It really helps,” they say.

What a load of CRAP.

Do you really think you can talk yourself out of sadness, regret and frustration simply by thinking positive thoughts?

That all you need to do is THINK POSITIVELY and the world is your oyster.

Good luck!

Then there is this whole other group of people who pretend to be coaches. They coach people by saying, “Let’s pretend you didn’t feel that way – you were not depressed, angry, or grieving – how would that make you feel if everything was perfectly ok?”

And the person being coached says, “Well, I’d feel really good.”

Here’s what they forgot to tell you. Those good feeling only last a moment or two at best.

And then guess what happens?

The depression, the anger and the feeling of grief comes rushing back!


If you have a pile of crap and you cover it with ice cream, you make that crap look really good.

But guess what?

You still have crap below the surface.

You can’t fake yourself out of depression. You can’t heal negative emotions with positive thinking.

THAT is a huge load of bull-crap.

The way you feel is the way you feel. And when it comes to deep negative emotions – feelings of anger, frustration, regret and depression – you can’t positive think your way out of those feelings. Affirmations won’t work and neither will any other sophisticated technology.

The only way you can heal those emotions is to accept them. THEN… and only then… will you finally be able to let them go.

But what do we do instead?

We push those negative feelings down – we suppress them. It’s heart-wrenching really.

Why Do You Suppress Your Negative Emotions?

Because that is what you were trained to do!

What most people will never realize is that their entire way of being is automated and unconscious.

It’s nice to think you have control, but the reality is that the more you think you have control – the less you are in control.

Most people are just automatons – machines – doing the work they have been programmed to do.  The reason you suppress your emotions is because of what you were trained and conditioned to do.

Just imagine this scenario…

You’re in the grocery store and a toddler is walking with his mom. The toddler starts to kick and scream – he’s having a fit (maybe to get his moms attention). The mom says, “Stop that right now. Stop doing that! Be a good boy.”

After a bit of convincing, the toddler acknowledges this request and goes silent.

Now here’s the magic question: what did the mom just teach her toddler?

She taught her toddler how to bury his emotions and his form of expression – how to keep quiet and be a good boy – because that is what society believes is the right thing to do.

The only reason you suppress your negative (or positive) emotions is because that is what you were trained and conditioned to do.


  • Erin Morris

    Reply Reply October 19, 2011

    Hi Steve ,

    Excellent article . Just one question how do you just let go of any negative emotion ? Isn’t it easier said than done .

    Would definetly love to hear from you .


  • Steve

    Reply Reply October 19, 2011

    @ Erin – I thought it was really good too ;)

    If you’re on my Email Newsletter you’ll be aware that I’ve been offering some live training. Two weeks from now I’ll be sharing a process that will help you let go of those emotions. Just keep an eye out on your email.

  • Veronica

    Reply Reply October 20, 2011

    Thanks for the excellent post ! Also good on you for saying what people really feel and what needs to be said.
    I do have a question – would you consider tiredness/exhaustion a negative emotion? This might be unrelated to this specific post.. but .. my job takes up all my mental, physical, emotional energy and I’m always tired. Is this really detrimental to the whole manifesting process?

    Thanks heaps.

  • Steve

    Reply Reply October 20, 2011

    @ Veronica: someone had to say it!

    Back in 2006 when I was working in Toronto as an engineer I always felt really exhausted and worn out… and I was still in my twenties… not a good sign for someone who should have been feeling vital and full of life!!

    A part of this exhaustion came because my mind was always racing and working (in beta) – always thinking, thinking, thinking and THINKING.

    That can get really tiring after a while. The other thing is that if you’re always in “beta” (thinking really fast) then you’re a lot more likely to be stressed – again, from my own personal experience.

    So like I’ve shared here on my blog before, I’d suggest you start feeling your way through the day. Stop thinking and start feeling.

    It will be much easier on you and you won’t have to think so much :)

    It takes a bit of practice, but it’s definitely worth it because you’ll be more present and in the moment.

  • Veronica

    Reply Reply October 21, 2011

    That’s great advice, Steve, thanks. Unfortunately if I turn to ‘feeling’, there are mostly negative emotions there (most of them from work!) It may put me in a worse position. Any suggestions there?

  • Maj

    Reply Reply October 21, 2011

    Someone close to me has been in the ‘habit’ of suppressing his emotions over many years and has buried with it deep pain, grief, loss, bitterness and related feelings. No amount of my persuasion and empathy has helped him to ‘let go’. Physically, he’s been ‘down and out’ for almost the last 3 years and I suspect it has to do with his not addressing these strong emotions. What’s the way out?

  • Steve

    Reply Reply October 21, 2011

    @ Veronica/Maj – here is something you can do starting today… start to notice your thoughts throughout the day when you’re at your job…. practice self observance. Most times you’ll realize that it is not *your job* that is exhausting you, but your negative thoughts about what is happening in your environment…

    People have negative thoughts all the time because they are RE-ACTING to what is happening in their environment. It’s this reactive *thought* over and over again that can be exhausting.

    Like I said, the only way to let go of those negative thoughts is to become aware of them and accept them… then and only then will you be able to let the them go…

  • Veronica

    Reply Reply October 22, 2011

    That’s excellent advice. I think I’m operating from a survival mode, and not being in control of my thoughts and feelings. There are plenty of changes that are needed here. Thanks a lot Steve – I appreciate all this!

  • Aga

    Reply Reply October 23, 2011

    Hi Steve,

    Have you got any advice for selfharm? How to deal with the emotions to stop the horrible cicle? I’ve been trying lots of methods but nothing works. I now even don’t know why I doing this to myself. :(

  • Steve

    Reply Reply October 23, 2011

    Hey Aga… it’s a good question…. I mean self-loathing and self-hatred are really powerful emotions embedded in people and that might be where you could start to look… not sure without speaking with you directly…

  • Veronica

    Reply Reply October 25, 2011

    Dear Aga: Forgive me for intervening where I’m not asked to, but honestly, if you’re engaging in self-mutilation and self-hatred, this site (ie ‘Manifesting Abundance’) is not the place to seek help!! I understand that freedom education teaches mind power, self improvement etc, but what you’re describing is a serious psychological condition that needs to be explored and healed in the proper channels! Best wishes and Good luck to you ok :)

  • Leszek Cyfer

    Reply Reply November 17, 2011

    The best way out of negative feelings lays in concentration on whatever you can find positive in the situation you’re in. I’ve already wrote on your blog how I coped with my severed Achilles tendon.

    As you saw i had a lot of training in this approach, which I desperately needed just three months ago, when love of my life suddenly passed away during sleep. I assure you, finding positive aspects of that situation was extremely hard, but doable. While I regret her absence, I moved on and live well and prosper :)

    To sum it up – you have to find right now what you can be positive about the situation you’re in – and work right on it.

  • diablo 3 wallpaper

    Reply Reply November 26, 2011

    This web site is unquestionably instead helpful given that I’m in the minute developing an online floral internet site – though I’m only commencing out consequently it is truly rather tiny, nothing at all such as this web site. Can hyperlink to some in the posts right here because they are very. Many thanks considerably. Zoey Olsen

  • arif

    Reply Reply December 21, 2011

    I am 31 year old male live in india . since last two months back i was very well and happy in my life . But suddely due to tensions of job and family matters. i was very stressed and sudenly it came in my mind that i am not sleeping well and i started waking up at 5 in the morning but but actually i want to sleep well the more i am trying to sleep the earlier i woke up in the morning. due to this i started lot of negetive thinking without stop continueoly i am trying to stop them but its bouncing back now i am getting lot of headache and geediness. when i think that i dont have any headache the more its comming

    please help me what to do

Leave A Response

* Denotes Required Field