Overcoming Resistance to Change, Eliminating Negative Emotions, Creating Focus and the Law of Attraction

Last week I posted a question: What is Your Most Burning Question? The feedback I received was phenomenal and these are by far the most interesting and challenging questions I have received.  Make sure to have a look if you are at all interested in the topics of overcoming resistance to change, eliminating negative emotions, creating focus and the Law of Attraction.

Here are the questions and my answers:

Question #1:

“I’ve been slowly working towards changing my life for the better and lately I’ve been making good progress but I feel there’s some deeply-held belief that is holding me back.

What do you do when you sense a “resistance” to your manifesting but can’t seem to pinpoint exactly what it is?”  ~ Dave Witwicki

Overcoming Resistance to Change

Dave, this is a great question.  You want to start looking at the source of this internal resistance, which can show up as body pain.  For me, it’s shown up in many different ways.  It’s shown up as a headache, sore back and sometimes just a general feeling of being extremely fatigued.  Any sort of body pain is a red flag that you have internal resistance.

This becomes more obvious the more you study the relationship between the mind and body.  One resource that is worth purchasing to become more aware of this relationship is Lise Bourbeau’s book: Love Yourself.  This book is an encyclopedia for metaphysical causes of disease.

I’ve mentioned Lise’s book before because I find her insights valuable.  Here’s a specific example you can read about where I resolved my own migraine pain by becoming aware of this mind body relationship: Can Your Mind Cause Body Symptoms?

With my clients, I follow a slightly different process.  I usually start by asking these questions:

  • Do you feel any pain in your body?
  • If so, where does this pain occur? (i.e. head, chest, abdomen, foot, etc.)
  • Describe the pain and how it feels to you. (i.e. sharp, continuous, throbbing, aching, etc.)

Once I get to this point, I will walk through a series of new questions (that don’t necessarily follow a specific pattern). These questions help my clients elicit their deeper concerns.

In some cases their concerns are eliminated by purely expressing them; other times something more is required like taking a specific action.  Once these concerns have been addressed, the pain usually goes away.  When the pain is gone, the resistance disappears.

To be truthful, I’ve never been in a situation where this hasn’t been effective.  It’s amazing how accurate you can pinpoint problems and internal resistance by working with how your body feels.

Question #2:

“I’m at a different stage in my life than many of your readers/listeners. My husband and I are retired and getting more involved in volunteer activities.

My problem: many volunteer opportunities seem to involve a lot of “wheel-spinning”. Areas that need volunteers (education, for instance) are often ones which aren’t working well. But volunteers are expected to just help shore up the existing system. What seems to be needed is systemic change.

How do I, and others, become change agents in a way that makes sense and doesn’t threaten those operating within the systems so much that we are shut out?” ~ Margaret Smith

Creating Systematic Change

Hi Margaret.  Another great question.  The short answer: make a powerful request.  Most people aren’t trained on how to do this, so they don’t express their real needs.  If you want to see systematic change, then make a request.

Let me explain.

People are terrible at making requests.  It’s not that people don’t want to make requests.  It’s not that at all.  It’s that some people worry that their request might not land the right way or it might in some way hurt the other person.  And the reason people believe this is because they don’t make requests – they make demands.

A demand comes from a person who wants to be in control.  They tell people how it’s going to be so that they can control the situation – which doesn’t really give them control at all.  They actually loose control with this strategy because demands are based in fear.

To get around this, you want to make a request.  A request comes from the person who is interested in cultivating a win-win outcome.  It’s still asking for something, but with a couple of big differences.

The first difference is that you’re asking in a way that gives the other person a choice.  You’re giving the other person the freedom  to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to your request.  Most people don’t do that – they just tell you the way it should be – not a good idea for creating harmony and long-lasting relationships.

The other major difference between a demand and a request is that a request lands as an opportunity for another. You want to make a request in a way that it provides a benefit to someone else.

How do you do that?

Start by asking yourself, what do you want to see change?  And then ask yourself how these changes will benefit these other people?

If you only think of yourself, then you’ll be stuck in making demands.  But if you come across as having put some thought into your request (by thinking of how it will benefit others) then you’ll be making a powerful request.

The best way to get people to buy into your ideas is by providing them with a benefit.  Then it becomes much easier to ask for what you want.  That’s where I would start.

Question #3:

“My first question is a rather strange one. I recently took a very important examination for my profession. It was pretty important for me to pass so I tried a lot of the techniques you described in your videos and articles, including some from other coaches like Joe Vitale. I’ve taken the exam and will be getting results in November. I feel like I did not pass however. Do I continue visualizing myself as having passed or is that something that only works while preparing for the exam itself? In essence, can the law of attraction still work for something that I’ve already completed?” ~ T

Harness the Law of Attraction

T, it’s not a strange question at all.  The first thing to realize is that you’re co-creating all the time.  Even now as you read this you’re creating a new reality for yourself.  This reality is based on your thoughts, feelings and actions.

Just visualizing the outcome is not enough; to make it real you’ve got to feel it.  See How to Apply the Law of Attraction.

Let me share with a specific example.

My wife Trisha wrote an exam as part of her training to become a dental hygienist.  This was back in 2002.  When she finished writing the exam she had an unsure feeling that she hadn’t passed the exam.  She was worried and checked the mail every day hoping she would receive her acceptance letter.

After a couple of weeks, she got her letter.  Except it wasn’t the letter she was expecting.  The letter was a notice that she had failed the exam.

But the letter was in fact a prank; a joke by her friends.  They knew she was worried about the results so they played a little trick on her.

A couple more weeks after this Trisha received her acceptance letter.  She had passed the exam.  When I asked her about this, she told me something really interesting.  She told me that she never really saw herself passing the exam.  That wasn’t her focus.

Her focus was on the bigger picture.  All throughout her last year of College she had envisioned herself as a hygienist driving to work in her new Honda Accord.  This image became so compelling that she really believed it was going to happen.  She could feel it.

Today, Trisha is a dental hygienist and drives her Honda Accord to her job.

Question #4:

“My second question relates to getting rid of negative energy. Things have been pretty rough for me this year. I’ve tried to be grateful, happy in the moment, attempted to reprogram my subconscious, etc but there have been a lot of negative things going on in my life that I’ve been trying to deflect, especially while trying to prepare for my exam. In particular, I feel a lot of pain, anger, and resentment towards someone I was very close to and no matter how hard I try, I can’t shake the negative feelings and emotions. Any suggestions on how to overcome it aside from what you’ve stated in your videos and articles?” ~ T

Eliminating Negative Emotions

The first thing I’d suggest is that you don’t deflect that negative energy.  If you’re deflecting negative energy then you’re also giving it your full attention.

It’s like focusing on what you don’t want.  If you focus on what you don’t want long enough and with enough intensity, you’ll eventually get it.  See Why You Attract What You Don’t Want to learn more.

Instead of deflecting that negative energy, just release it.  Let it go.

The negative energy inside you is projecting out and attracting in the negative people and experiences into your life. You’ve got to take responsibility for this.  Remember that everything in your outer experience is a reflection of your inner experience.  It’s all part of this cosmic soup.

So the first thing I would do is ask yourself some questions about this other person.  If you resent them, then why is that? What makes you feel so resentful towards them?

Then once you’re clear on your answer, realize this is something you created.  That other person did not make you feel a certain way – only you can do that.  Once you realize you’re responsible for this feeling, only then can you change it.

This resentment that you hold for this other person can only exist if you hold resentment towards a part of you.  Anytime you cause harm to another, you harm yourself.  That means the best thing you can do is heal the inside so that you bring peace to the outside.

You can start this process by forgiving yourself.  This is the best gift you can give.  It may take a change in attitude, but realize that for every part of you that is bad there is also a good part.  Focus on the good.  Eventually, the parts you see as bad will fall away.

Question #5:

“I’m a singer and after doing your 9 questions i realize this is my uniqueness… however with the time singing gives me I’m trying to set a Internet business up from home.. I have no website skills and this is holding me back, I’m being bombarded with emails about the next best thing, its information overload! I’m now doing a NLP course which also includes hypnosis and coaching… I feel I’m finally heading in the right direction…

Steve if you can advise me on strategies to focus and schedule my day to not get distracted with info I would be very grateful. This is probably very simple but I’ve got that many plates spinning i cant see.” ~ Malcolm Pitt

Creating Focus

Hi Malcolm.  This is probably the most basic system I have used for staying focused.  It’s not elegant but it has changed a lot of my habits over the past year.

All I do is take a piece of paper and write down the 6 most important actions I want to take for the next day.  I write them out before I go to bed at night.  There is something magical about writing out your actions by hand.  I can’t explain it.

Then when I wake up the next day I start to work on the first action.  I don’t focus on the second action until I’ve completed the first.  Then when I’m done the first action, I start the second.  I don’t focus on the third action until I’m done the second action and so on.  I’ve done this over and over again to become extremely focused.

To continue reading see: Relationships, Career Transition and How to Believe in Your Dreams


  • Garry

    Reply Reply August 4, 2009

    Very true THANX

  • Steve

    Reply Reply August 18, 2009

    Most welcome Garry :-)

  • Gina

    Reply Reply February 23, 2011

    I totally agree with these statements. I believe them to be true. I don’t know how to start to forgive myself and be rid of this resentment toward someone I love and care about. I do have resentment toward myself and he didn’t make me feel this way, I did. I am so miserable and want to be free. How do I do it? How do you “release” the negative energy?

    “This resentment that you hold for this other person can only exist if you hold resentment towards a part of you. Anytime you cause harm to another, you harm yourself. That means the best thing you can do is heal the inside so that you bring peace to the outside.”

    “You can start this process by forgiving yourself. This is the best gift you can give. It may take a change in attitude, but realize that for every part of you that is bad there is also a good part. Focus on the good. Eventually, the parts you see as bad will fall away.”

  • Steve

    Reply Reply February 25, 2011

    @ Gina: you reframe the experience, the actual memory that is irritating you about that person slowly over time or quickly using processes like NLP… the reality is that there are a lot of books on this topic that you can read from – but it is much more powerful and faster to have someone experienced (like a coach) walk you through the process…

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